Tell Me, Darling Read online

  One afternoon Sadie took a list of things she needed to restock her supplies to Joe so he could sign a requisition form. He didn’t seem to be in a good mood, and was rubbing his forehead again as she gave it to him. She knew this mood – he had probably been losing sleep again, and if she could have delayed the request she would have, but the driver was about to go to the town and she couldn’t wait.

  “What’s this?” said Joe, pointing to an item on the list. “Sanitary pads?”

  “Yes,” said Sadie. “There were some in the original stock, but I’m out. Well not me, personally – the girls I mean.” She felt her face turning red, but Joe wasn’t even looking at her.

  “Don’t they bring their own?” asked Joe, frowning at the list.

  “Of course they do, but they are teenagers and they don’t always get things right. They don’t always know when they will need them – do you really want to be having this conversation, Joe? They don’t cost much.”

  “Sorry,” he said. “My budget is messed up after paying for two windows broken by golf balls, the roller disco is charging more than they quoted and I had to pay to send Johan back where he came from. Of course, whatever you need. I mean, the girls. Of course.” Now it was his turn to blush.

  “You have a headache again, don’t you?” said Sadie.

  He nodded, carefully, as if it hurt him. “I don’t want to live on painkillers; they help the headache but they don’t agree with me. I know it’s just the stress. I’ll be fine when camp is over.”

  “If you’re talking about tummy issues, I’ll give you something for that,” said Sadie. “And a different painkiller that’s less likely to disagree with you – seeing we are already having a conversation about bodily functions.”

  Joe laughed, pushing back his chair and standing up. “Sadie, you always lighten things up,” he said. “I will take you up on your offer, thank you. I need to go and speak to the Dave before he leaves for town anyway. Should I give this to him?” He held up the signed form.

  “Thanks,” she said.

  “I’ll come by afterwards for the pills,” he said. “This headache isn’t going away on its own.”

  “Sure, Joe,” she said. She had managed not to blush again, but she was blushing inside if that was possible. As she walked back to her room she shook her head, as if the physical action would help the unwelcome feelings to disappear.

  Later, no one could quite remember exactly what happened. The Venezuelan kids were hanging out in the driveway before tea time, most of them standing around watching one of the younger boys, Eduardo, play with a remote-controlled robot he had bought on the weekend shopping trip. Sadie was in Room 13 doing paperwork when she heard a bang and screaming. She jumped up, grabbed the first aid box and ran towards the sound. On her way she met a hysterical girl running to fetch her.

  “Come Nursie! The van rolled and the driver man is hurt! And Camila! Come, quick!”

  When she got to the driveway, the van was near the wall of the building at a strange angle, and there was a crowd around a huddled figure on the ground behind it. She pushed through. Dave, the driver, lay on the bricks against the wall, a pool of blood already forming around his head, his arm at an impossible angle, a crushed toy robot beside him. Sadie took it in – the van must have rolled backwards and crushed him against the wall. She knelt quickly, her many hours in emergency wards sharpening her senses and kicking her training into gear.

  “Jonesy, call an ambulance,” she said, seeing her run up. “Tell them head injury, as soon as possible. Alvin, Raj, get the kids away. Far away.”

  She didn’t remember much of the next ten minutes until the ambulance arrived. She could see that Dave had been hit on his side by the van and that his arm was broken. He was unconscious but she couldn’t tell how badly he was hurt otherwise. She knew she had to stop the bleeding from his head, and did what she could to do stabilise him without moving him too much. She was vaguely aware of Joe kneeling beside her. “What can I do, Sadie?” he asked, his voice quiet.

  “Pray,” was all she could say, her hands covered in blood as she tried again to stop the steady stream pouring from his temple. It seemed an eternity until the flow finally slowed and stopped. She checked his vitals, wishing he would regain consciousness but feeling encouraged.

  The paramedics arrived and took over, and Sadie stepped back, holding her bloody hands in front of her. Someone handed her a towel. Joe stood beside her, his face white. He had a cut above his eye. “Joe!” she said. “You’re hurt!”

  “I’m okay,” he said. “How do you think he is?”

  “His pulse is all right and he’s breathing normally,” she said. “I’m thinking the full force of the van didn’t push him against the wall. Did it hit the wall at an angle?”

  “Yes,” said Joe. He looked very pale. “The other side of the van hit the wall first.”

  “If that’s the case then Dave could just have a concussion, a cut on his head and a broken arm. Let’s hope for that,” she said.

  “Pray for that,” said Joe. “Dave and I were standing near the kids and Dave saw the van rolling back. He shouted at the kids to get out of the way but the little guy … I don’t know his name …”

  “Eduardo,” said Sadie.

  “Eduardo was playing with his toy and didn’t notice. Dave pushed him out of the way just in time, but the van did a funny curve and hit him.”

  “And Joe tackled Camila out of the way,” said Jonesy, appearing at his side. “Are you all right, Joe? You did quite a skid when you grabbed her.”

  “I hurt my arm, I think,” said Joe, looking down. Sadie saw what she hadn’t noticed in all the commotion – Joe’s forearm had a huge angry graze from his elbow to his wrist.

  The paramedic came up to Joe. “Your mate’s awake,” he said. “Looks like a broken arm and a concussion. Narrow escape there.”

  “Thank goodness,” said Sadie.

  “I should go to the hospital with him,” said Joe. “I need to call his wife.”

  “I’ll do that, Joe,” said Jonesy. “You need that scrape seen to.”

  “I can do that,” said Sadie, looking down at the bloody towel in her hands.

  “You all right, miss?” said the paramedic. “You did good there, stopping the bleeding.”

  “I’m fine,” said Sadie, smiling. “I’m a nurse. I’ve seen a lot worse.”

  “I’ll sort the kids out,” said Ingrid. “I’ll ask the kitchen to make tea early.”

  “Thanks Ingrid,” said Joe. He looked down at his arm and winced. Sadie guessed that until now he hadn’t felt the pain, but it was a bad scrape and she knew it must be starting to hurt.

  “Will you get someone to bring some tea or juice or something to room 13 for Joe, Ingrid?” asked Sadie.

  “Of course,” said Ingrid. “You’ve had a shock.”

  As Sadie and Joe made their way across towards the dorm, Camila ran up to Joe, crying, and threw her arms around him. Joe was caught off guard, holding his injured arm up out of the way of her enthusiastic embrace. “Thank you, Joe!” she cried, looking up at him through her tears. “You save my life!”

  Joe smiled and gave her an awkward pat on the head. “You’re welcome …”

  “Camila!” whispered Sadie, realising that Joe didn’t know her name.

  “You’re welcome, Camila. Are you all right? Did you get hurt when we fell?”

  “No. Just a little here,” she said pointing to her elbow. “But I am fine.”

  “I’m glad you’re okay,” said Joe.

  “We need to get Joe cleaned up,” said Sadie. “Why don’t you girls go to the dining room? Ingrid is organising tea for you.”

  A while later Sadie stood beside Joe as he sat on the table in Room 13, a bowl of warm water and a pile of dressings and gauze beside him. “Oh Joe, I’m sorry,” she said. “This is going to hurt.”

  Sadie grimaced for his sake as she used tweezers to carefully remove the little stones and bits of gravel that were lodg
ed in the wound. She felt his body tense up in pain. He didn’t make a sound. But there were beads of sweat on his forehead and he was breathing hard. The graze was deep, and there were some deeper cuts where the stones had hurt him. It seemed to take forever but at last she was satisfied that the wound was clean.

  There followed a few moments that, after that, were burned into Sadie’s memory. She placed the dressing carefully over the wound, one hand holding his wrist steady, and her eyes travelled up, to where the muscles in his arm tensed at the contact. Her gaze rested for a moment on his arm; Joe’s strong arm, lean and smooth and tense with pain, and then on the sleeve of his red shirt. Then she looked up at his face and met his eyes, blue and kind and watering with the effort of not crying out. She would remember just that much – that she was holding his wrist, and then looked at his face, realised that he had been in danger and that he was all right, and that was all it took. It all started for real then, her hands trembling as she wound a bandage over the dressing and put a steri-strip over the cut on his brow, and her voice suddenly not working properly when she asked if the bandage was too tight.

  Ingrid brought two glasses of juice and some biscuits, and left again, and Sadie watched Joe drink his juice, his hand trembling a little and his face pale, as if she was in a dream. One minute he was her boss, her grumpy boss who had shoved her bag in the boot of a red sports car and yelled at her for being late, and the next he was something else. He was a man, a man who could silence sixty kids with a word, a man who cared about poverty and injustice and who couldn’t do a job without giving everything he could to get it right. He was someone who wanted to build up, not break down; he was someone she trusted. Suddenly he was someone with a past she wanted to know, a mind she wanted to understand, and a future she wanted to share. It was big, it was unexpected, it was impossible, and from the very beginning it hurt.

  It hurt so much that after Joe had taken some painkillers and gone to his room, after the afternoon had slowly passed and turned itself into a beautiful summer evening, after the kids were in bed and Joe had gone to the hospital to see Dave, after night came, the lights were out and Caitlin lay asleep in the bunk beneath her, Sadie put her pillow over her face and cried and cried and cried.

  Chapter 24

  Dave was going to be all right – he had a mild concussion, a sore head, and a steel pin in his arm. Joe took her on the back of his scooter two days after the accident to visit him in hospital, and Sadie sat behind him, her arms around his waist, glad for the hot helmet as an excuse for her red face. Dave was sitting up in bed, feeling all right physically but terrible about what had happened. He had had his hands full of parcels that day and had forgotten to pull up the handbrake. It took all of Sadie’s “magic” to reassure him that it was all right, that he was only human and it had been an honest mistake; that in the end he was a hero, the kids were unhurt and no one had any hard feelings against him. She brought him a big card she had made with her kokis, with a picture on the front that she had drawn of Dave in the minibus full of happy faces, and signed by all the kids on camp. They had filled every inch of it with messages and funny pictures.

  When they got back to the school, she got off the scooter as Joe parked it, and took off her helmet. He took his off and stood facing her in his bike jacket, his helmet under his arm, running his hand through his hair. She could hardly look at him.

  “Thanks for coming along, and for organising that card,” he said. “Dave was so low yesterday, blaming himself for almost killing someone. I knew you’d be able to make him feel better.”

  “Sure,” she said. “How’s your arm? No sign of infection?”

  “Not at all,” he said, gingerly touching it. “I think it’s bleeding a little after that ride, but it’s not too painful. Will you help me change the dressing?”

  “Of course,” she said. She handed back the helmet she had borrowed. “Do you want to do it now?”

  “Yes, if you can,” he said, looking at his watch. “The roller disco starts in an hour. Are you looking forward to it?”

  “A little,” she said. “I’m guessing I’ll be dealing with injuries more than skating myself, though.”

  Joe grimaced as they began to make their way inside. “Oh, you’re right. I think last year someone fractured a coccyx.”

  “Eina!” said Sadie.

  “What did you say?” asked Joe, amused.

  “Sorry – it means ouch, I suppose. In Afrikaans.”

  “Very expressive language,” he said. “Do you speak it?”

  “Not brilliantly, but enough,” said Sadie. “One of my uncles is Afrikaans. His name is Jaap Labuschagne.”

  Joe laughed. “That’s a mouthful! Are you all right, Sadie? You seem subdued today.”

  “I’m fine, Joe,” she said quickly, resolving to do better at faking it. She didn’t feel okay; she felt like a kid in a bike store, her heart set on the biggest, shiniest bike, but nothing but pennies in her pocket.

  The roller disco was fun after all, and despite feeling at the start as if her heart was breaking in two and she couldn’t bear it another second, she ended up putting on a pair of skates over a pair of knee-high socks, doing her hair up in two high pigtails and having a great time. The kids loved it – the skating was fun, there was music playing and disco lights just like the week before. There was a double ring of red lights in sturdy plastic tubing set up around the perimeter of the hall, and the people running it were quite strict about keeping the skaters moving in the same direction to prevent head-on collisions. Luckily the only injuries were a slightly twisted ankle and a bruised elbow, and for the most part Sadie skated around with the kids and her friends, feeling the music buoying her spirits. Joe didn’t put skates on. He pleaded injury and sat with Alvin and Jonesy on the sidelines keeping an eye on things. To the great joy of the Venezuelan girls, the idea of skating around the rink holding hands with someone caught on, and Paco and Matteo had more than a few very willing partners. Sadie did rounds with Raj and even Gabriel, who turned out to be a demon on skates, doing tricks and fancy skids until Joe became concerned about the state of the floor and asked him to tone it down. This time Raj and Emma didn’t do more than hold hands and skate around, and as far as she could tell there were no drugs and no alcohol around today. Much to the delight of Sam and Sadie, Richard seemed to have noticed Caitlin in a whole new way over the last few days, and Sadie felt a sympathetic thrill when she saw him reaching out his hand to her and asking her to skate with him.

  At one point near the end of the evening she was sitting on one of the chairs around the edges, having a rest with Sam and watching Richard skating backwards around the ring, pulling Caitlin along as they laughed together, and she wondered why she couldn’t just take her own advice. You need to get him to notice you, she had told Caitlin. A few careful placements and opportunities taken, and Caitlin was skating around a roller rink holding the hand of the boy who made her almost pass out in the dinner queue. Why shouldn’t she do a little innocent flirting and see if she could get Joe to see her in a different way? She could try to catch his eye, she could flatter him and contrive moments alone – but those were ridiculous thoughts. Even as the thoughts entered her mind, she knew that kind of thing wouldn’t work on Joe; and she knew that was one of the reasons she felt the way she did. She could not imagine Joe having a casual summer fling with a girl, or even respecting anyone who tried to charm him. She wasn’t the girl for Joe; she had known it from that moment in Room 13 and there was nothing about it that was going to change. She had to go home to South Africa; Joe had to stay in England. She was a ditsy extrovert with blue hair who loved dancing with her eyes closed and talking to strangers; he was a serious academic who put people off with his brusque manner and couldn’t remember people’s names. She was a mess inside, still recovering from the damage Paul had done and still unable to figure out what she believed and how she should live, but Joe seemed to her to be so steady and dependable. They were horribly matched, she knew,
and even though she could imagine that he might appreciate her and like her more than he had in the beginning, it was never going to happen. Rather don’t give me hope, Caitlin had said. It’s easier to think of it as a crush rather than imagine that he might actually like me back and be disappointed.

  That’s how I will think of it, she thought, getting up again to skate some more. Just a crush. Wonderful and awful all at the same time. She waved to Joe as she skated around arm in arm with Camila and Valeria, and he waved back. In a little over two weeks camp would be over and she would probably never see him again, and she was just going to have to be okay with that.

  Chapter 25

  Sadie got off the train at the tube station, her backpack on her back and her earphones in her ears. She was in London for her Sunday off, to visit Linda for lunch and then to meet Sam and her Croatian boyfriend at the National Portrait Gallery in the afternoon. It felt so strange to be back in London – while she was at camp it was as if the outside world had faded away. As she watched the landscapes from the window of the train and breathed in the bustle of the city she felt that her little heartbreak was less significant than it had seemed while she was there. It was no less real and no less sore, but in the big scheme of things it was just a crush. So what – she had a crush on her boss but London still stood, huge and noisy and full of possibilities.

  She met Linda at a pub near where they had stayed together, and to her surprise she was not alone. “Sadie, this is Derek,” said Linda shyly, introducing her to a slim young man with floppy brown hair and a beige anorak.

  “Howzit,” said Derek, and Sadie grinned.

  “South African!” she said. “Nice to meet you, Derek.”

  Fortunately, Derek was good company and Sadie didn’t feel like a third wheel at all. He and Linda had met on the tube of all places, he said he had not been able to find a church he liked in London yet, she had invited him to her stuffy one around the corner, and that was that. He was a software developer – clever, ambitious, and a little shy, and he thought Linda was wonderful. Sadie had never seen her friend so relaxed around a guy before. When he went outside to take a phonecall, they had a chance to talk.