Tell Me, Darling Page 12

  “He’s nice, Linda!” said Sadie. “Well done, my friend. I really like him and you seem so chilled and happy.”

  “I am,” said Linda. “It’s still early days but I don’t intend on letting this one get away. But how are you? How’s the nursing and all the foreign kids?”

  “The nursing is great, but sometimes I forget I’m the nurse. There’s so much more happening. I have done everything from making duty rosters to counting tennis balls to teaching an actual English class.”

  “Wow,” said Linda. “And the people? Are there any Christians there?”

  Sadie realised she hadn’t thought about that. “No, I don’t think so,” she said. “At least no one has said anything. If I’m still a Christian then I think I’m the only one.”

  “Of course you are a Christian,” said Linda. She reached out and took Sadie’s hand. “He’s not going to let you go, Sadie. I think you know that.”

  “I think I do,” said Sadie, her eyes suddenly filling with tears. “I went to Camp Bellevue planning to have fun and meet interesting people, and I have – it’s just been so much more than that. Maybe cutting myself off from everything familiar, even you, has made me see more clearly where I was heading. I feel as if I’ve grown up more in the last four weeks than in all the months since we arrived.”

  “Oh Sadie,” said Linda. “Something is making you sad.”

  “Yes. But I’m okay. Really I am.”

  “And what about when the camp is over? Do you have plans?”

  “Some of my friends are going camping in France for a week, and maybe to Spain after that. Don’t you want to come along?”

  “Me? No way, Sadie. Camping and I are not friends,” said Linda. “Derek and I are thinking of going on a bus tour through Europe in September.”

  “No bus tours for me,” said Sadie, shaking her head. “I am so excited to be doing some travelling at last!”

  “And after that? What about a job? And where will you stay in between finishing at camp Bellevue and going to France? I can’t offer for you to stay with me; my landlady is strict about that.”

  “My friend Sam has friends who stay in a house in London; she still has a room there and she says I can bunk with her for a while. And my friend Emma lives in London with her parents and she also says I can stay with her – but I think they might be a bit posh so I’d probably rather stay with Sam. And as for a job afterwards – I don’t know, Linda. I might have to go back to vacuuming and mopping.”

  “I don’t know how you live like that, Sadie,” said Linda, shaking her head. “And what about visas? Don’t you need a visa for France and Spain? Do you have enough money to go travelling?”

  Sadie laughed. “Relax, Linda. You don’t need to worry about me! Come on – here’s Derek back. Should we have some dessert?”

  Sadie felt surprisingly cheered by her lunch with Linda and Derek, and left to get the tube again to meet Sam at the gallery. The Croatian boyfriend, whose name was some unpronounceable and even more unspellable version of Gregory, was quite excessively tall, and not particularly interested in art. He was friendly enough though, and happy to tag along with them around the gallery. Sadie and Sam were both in a funny mood, taking selfies with the portraits and imitating the poses. Sam posed in front of a 16th century portrait of a busty blonde woman who looked just like her, and they found another more modern painting of a mournful-faced woman in a white blouse with two puffs of hair on either side of her head for Sadie’s double. Afterwards they had a drink at a bar and headed back to the station, Sam giving Gregory a very affectionate farewell on the platform while Sadie diplomatically went to buy some snacks for the trip at a vending machine.

  On the hour-long train trip back to Inchling, the mid-summer sun still warm through the window even though it was already evening, Sadie leant back on the seat and closed her eyes. She couldn’t deny it – it had been a good day and she was feeling all right about going back to London when camp and her holiday was over, but now all she wanted was to see Joe. Just to see him for a second – sitting at his desk with his eyes closed as he so often was, eating his lunch at a table across the room, appearing at her door asking for a painkiller. She wanted to meet his eyes and see him smile at her, for him to call her his miracle again and make a joke about her magic. Two more weeks, she thought. Only two more weeks to soak him up.

  Chapter 26

  So far, every week at Camp Bellevue had been different to the one before, and the next week was no exception. Alvin wasn’t well – he lay in bed with a bout of flu for a couple of days and Sadie, not unwillingly, filled in at the office again. The Lebanese kids began their third and final week, the Venezuelans and Spanish kids were still around, and another small group of Russians arrived. There was also a group of kids from Argentina who had come for the last two weeks of camp, and Johan’s position was filled by a black Canadian guy called Adam.

  Sadie carried on as before, glad for the business of the office shifts. Caitlin was completely and utterly in love – she and Richard had had a chat after the roller disco; he had told her he liked her and held her hand, and Sam and Sadie felt like proud aunties watching her face beam every time she saw him.

  “I’m so glad there are young guys like him who think the first step in these things is a confession of like, and hand holding,” said Sadie to Sam one breakfast time. “At least not all the young people in Britain think the next step after meeting someone you like is to find an empty room.” She looked over at Raj, who was taking his chance while Joe wasn’t around to stick his tongue into Emma’s ear.

  “It is sweet,” said Sam, watching Richard fetch an extra cup of coffee and take it to Caitlin. “Kind of old-fashioned.”

  Sadie yawned. “I’m counting down the night duties now,” she said. “I think I have three left. I won’t miss those.”

  “I won’t miss this,” said Sam, picking up a spoon of porridge and letting it gloop back into the bowl. “Today was a choice between textured grey slime and that watery yellow mess.” She looked over at Sadie’s abandoned scrambled eggs. “There’s always toast,” said Sadie, getting up from the table. “And apples. See you later Sam. I need to get to the office.”

  Sadie went to the office, which was empty, and looked for the weekend’s transport schedule that she had said she would check. She remembered that Joe had needed to change something on it the previous day and went over to his desk to see if she could see it. As she got there, her eyes fell onto something that made her stop in her tracks. Open on top of a pile of papers was a Bible. Joe’s Bible. She could see at once that it was well-used – the pages were soft, a little dog-eared, and many of the words underlined. There were handwritten notes in the margin, written in ink and pencil – so clearly the Bible of someone for whom reading this book was a daily practice and habit. She covered her mouth, overcome for a moment with surprise, nostalgia and even shame. Her dad had a Bible just like this one, and so did her Mom, and shoved into the bottom of her big bag, under her warm coat and sleeping bag, so did Sadie. Hers wasn’t nearly as marked and read as this one was, but once she had kept it beside her bed, reading it every night, taking it to church every Sunday and trusting every word it said.

  Seeing a Bible like this on Joe’s desk was a shock, but as the fact sunk in she realised she didn’t really have any reason to be surprised. Joe was a Christian – of course he was! He had been grumpy and strict at first but he was kind, he was fair and he was humble. He was struggling under the pressure of his huge unwanted responsibility, and even since the beginning he had only been trying to do the right thing. He had taken offence at the swearing and said it was hard to hear – how could she not have realised then? On Sundays he got smartly dressed and went out in the morning. It all made sense in a rush – Joe was a believer; he was a flawed, struggling believer but he loved Jesus and Sadie could see it now.

  She heard a noise and looked up. Joe was standing in the doorway. She knew there were tears in her eyes and she wiped them away qu
ickly.

  “Are you all right? Sadie?”

  “It’s nothing. I just saw … on your desk. I wasn’t trying to pry, I was just looking for the schedule …”

  He glanced at his desk. “The Bible,” he said. He came closer, and sat on one of the chairs. “You must think I’m such a hypocrite.”

  “No!” Sadie didn’t think that at all. “No, it just made me realise … it makes sense, I suppose …” She was stumped. She had no idea how much to say.

  “Sadie.” He was looking at her strangely. “Tell me something – are you a Christian?”

  She was stumped. Why would he ask her that? “Have I given you a reason to think that?”

  “You’ve given me a few.”

  “I haven’t! How could I?”

  “Sadie – are you?”

  “I was … I am… I don’t really know how to answer that, Joe. I can’t talk about it. Sorry – I’ll just take this.”

  She started to leave the room, then stopped and turned around. “I don’t think you’re a hypocrite, Joe. Not at all. I … I’m going to check on Alvin.”

  She turned and walked out, heading for the dorm, the schedule still in her hand.

  She went to Room 13 for a while before going to see Alvin, and sat in the chair for a while, trying to absorb this new fact. Something about it made her feel weird, as if she didn’t want to believe it and would rather keep on thinking of Joe as someone apart from all that. But the more she thought about it the more she realised that it couldn’t be any other way. The Joe she was so crazy about, the Joe she respected so much and longed to be close to was who he was because of this, because of his faith. She had been avoiding relationships with Christians, any kind of relationships, because she was afraid of being hurt again. But it had turned out that without realising it she had seen Jesus in Joe and been drawn to him because of it, not despite it. She put her face in her hands. God, she prayed. I am so confused. I was just going to admire him from a distance and then move on with my life when camp ends. Now I’m having to think about all this difficult stuff, about trusting Christians again. About admitting to people that I am a Christian too – a rather lost, messed-up one right now but still, I know belong to you. I thought I was avoiding it all by coming here, but you won’t let me. That’s what Linda said – you won’t let me go.

  She looked up and out of the window at the kids playing soccer on the field, and heard the smack of tennis balls from further away. She saw an English class filing out of a classroom talking and laughing, and Gabriel leading his group up the driveway towards the pool. There’s so much happening everywhere I look, she thought. And even more happening underneath, inside me. What was hidden is being revealed. It’s scary but I think it’s okay. I think it’s going to be okay.

  Chapter 27

  Alvin was looking better, dressed and sitting up in bed looking at his phone. He was glad to see her. She checked his temperature and sat on down on a chair next to his bed. “You’re on the mend, Alvin,” she said. “Your temperature’s almost back to normal.”

  “I feel it,” he said. “I know I’m getting better because I’m getting really bored lying here in bed. What’s going on out there? Give me the gossip, Sadie.”

  “There isn’t much,” she said, smiling. “Caitlin and Richard are getting along really well.”

  “Ooh,” said Alvin. “That is sweet. Maybe she’ll start going to Joe’s little group now.”

  “What group?”

  “His early morning Bible group or praying group or whatever it is. Didn’t you know about it?”

  “No,” said Sadie. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “He invited me to come along, but … ja, not my thing. Joe’s a great guy and I’m sure all the Christian stuff has something to do with it but I don’t plan to hop on that train.”

  “I didn’t know about it,” said Sadie. She was amazed. All this had been going on under her nose and she had no idea. “Who else goes?”

  “Juan from the kitchen, I think,” said Alvin. “That might be all. I don’t know.”

  “I didn’t even know Joe was a Christian until today, Alvin. I saw his Bible on his desk.”

  “You didn’t? Maybe he’s more cautious about talking to girls about it. I remember at the other camp I worked on with Joe, he had a little group he invited people to and one of the girls got a big crush on him. Major emotional scenes and tears and everything. Poor Joe was mortified. Maybe he’s sticking to inviting guys this time to avoid more of that.”

  “Maybe,” said Sadie. What had she just been thinking about hidden things being revealed?

  At lunch she sat next to the new guy, Canadian Adam as everyone was calling him. He looked about Sadie’s age, with very dark skin, a wide grin and a loud voice. The other camp at Brentwell Hall had fewer kids for the last two weeks, so Adam had been sent to Sternwood to balance things out.

  “How was the camp going at Brentwell?” Sadie asked him, as she started on her veggie burger. “Were you sad to leave before the end?”

  “I didn’t mind,” he said. “I had some nice friends but to be honest, our Camp Director was really hard to work for. We never knew where we stood with her. When she called me in to tell me I was coming here I thought she was going to fire me.”

  “Nothing too different here,” said Raj, putting a greasy chip into his mouth.

  “Hey,” said Sam. “I disagree. You always know where you stand with Joe!”

  Raj shrugged and carried on eating.

  “What brings you from Canada to the English countryside?” asked Sadie.

  “I finished my degree last year, and now I’m traveling around a bit, getting some experience. Doing some growing up on purpose, I suppose.”

  “Sounds just like Sadie!” said Sam. “She finished studying and then came to London to spread her wings, she says.”

  “What did you study?” asked Adam.

  “Nursing,” said Sadie, smiling.

  “Durr!” said Adam, slapping himself on the head. “That was a stupid question.”

  “I know, I don’t look like a nurse, I look like a schoolgirl,” said Sadie. “What did you study, Adam?”

  “Theology,” he said. Sadie wanted to laugh. She had said to Linda that there were no other Christians on camp. Now there was Joe, and whoever was in his group, and Adam.

  “What is that?” asked Raj.

  “I guess you could say broadly it’s the study of God,” said Adam. “In my case it was studying the Bible, Church History, Doctrine, Missions and things like that.”

  “Another one,” said Raj, turning to Emma. “They keep crawling out of the woodwork. Like … woodworms.” He made a face and wiggled his fingers. Emma laughed.

  “Sorry Adam,” said Sadie, glaring at Raj. “Raj is forgetting his manners.” Raj grimaced back. She turned again to Adam. “So what kind of experience are you trying to get?”

  “That’s okay,” he said. “I’ve been staying with family in London and going on a bunch of short-term missions with various churches. So far, I’ve been to Bosnia and Turkey. I’m going on another one to South Korea in a few months’ time. Working on camp has been an interesting interlude in between trips.”

  “I don’t see the point of that,” said Emma. “You go to these far-off places where you can’t even speak the language and then what? You tell them they need to read the Bible and go to church when they were probably fine without all that in the first place? Seems like a waste of time to me.”

  “Yeah!” said Raj, giving her a high five.

  Adam didn’t seem offended, although Sadie cringed inside on his behalf. “It’s more than that. I can show you some pictures sometime and tell you what we did if you like. I hope I’ve never told people what they should do as if I am better than they are, but I have tried to share what I believe. I wouldn’t do it if I thought people would be better off not knowing. I’m thinking about getting involved in cross-cultural ministry when I go home, and this year is part
of working out if I’m fitted for that.”

  Sadie was fascinated and impressed by Adam’s confidence. He didn’t seem to mind what they thought of him, but he didn’t look down on them either, as Paul would have looked down on a group of people like her camp friends. Paul would never have made friends with a group of smoking, drug-taking people who swore constantly and spent their free time in pubs. He might have tried to convert them but never get to know them. Sadie looked over at Sam, who was a real friend, someone she would never forget and hopefully never lose touch with. Life would be poorer without Sam in it. Something struck her, then, watching Adam chatting away to Emma about something else after she had just all but insulted him. Being a Christian didn’t mean she couldn’t have meaningful relationships with all kinds of interesting people, now and in the future. It needn’t mean living in a holy huddle, socialising only with her family and church friends and avoiding relationships in the real world, as she had while she was with Paul, and even before. She wondered if she had been assuming all along that turning back to God meant going back to the same kind of life she had left. She wasn’t sure at all what kind of life she would have if she opened up her heart and her Bible again. But watching Canadian Adam, unashamed, talking and laughing with her crazy bunch of friends, she suddenly believed that it could be wonderful.

  Chapter 28

  “Tomorrow morning, at seven,” Joe said, holding his arm out while Sadie took off the dressing and the bandage. “In the office. Why don’t you come?”

  Sadie held his arm and inspected the graze. “It’s healing well,” she said, trying to sound nonchalant. “This bit here is still looking a bit oozy. I think that’s where there was a stone.”