Tell Me, Darling Page 21

  “What a cheek,” said Rudzani. “I thought he still went to your old church.”

  “Me too,” said Sadie. “I can’t imagine what he’s doing here. I wish he would just leave.”

  “Maybe,” said Rudzani, “you should just go up to him and say hi. Act like it’s no big deal. He has no power over you any more, Sadie. He can’t hurt you. And maybe he’s changed. Maybe he’s different now.”

  “You don’t understand, Rudz. He’s always lovely to everyone. If I talk to him now he’ll probably just be friendly and charming, but I could never trust that he’s really different, or that he’s even really sorry about anything. But maybe you’re right. I want to be strong. I don’t want him to get to me.”

  “I’ll come with you if you like,” said Rudzani.

  “Okay,” said Sadie, taking a deep breath. “Let’s do this.”

  They walked up to the guys, and as they approached, Joe looked past Paul’s shoulder at Sadie and smiled. Paul turned to see who he was looking at, and then – she was facing him again. “Hello, Paul,” she said, as calmly as she could.

  “Sadie,” he said, with that smile she remembered so well. He wasn’t surprised at all. He must have known then, that she was likely to be here. Then he literally looked her up and down and opened his hands in front of him. “It’s so good to see you again.” He stepped forward to give her a hug, but she stepped back. She knew that had to be embarrassing for him, but there was no way she was letting him hug her.

  “I can’t say I feel the same, Paul,” she said. “What are you doing here?”

  “Just visiting a local church,” he said, defensively. “I was enjoying a warm welcome until now.” He laughed nervously and looked at Joe and Jared.

  “Did you know this was my church?” she asked.

  “My mom saw your mom the other day,” he said. “You know moms. I heard that you worship here now. I’m glad to see that you found your way back into the fold.”

  Rudzani coughed. Sadie took a deep breath, sending up a prayer asking God to help her to be wise and gracious. And to keep her cool.

  “I see you two know each other,” said Joe. Sadie looked at him and saw something she hadn’t seen for a long time – his frown. He took a step sideways, closer to her side.

  “We are old friends,” said Paul, looking at Sadie. “We used to be close, didn’t we Sadie?”

  Sadie tried not to let those memories in. She and Paul had been close. She had believed that she would marry him. She had sat on his parents’ couch and in his car and kissed him many, many times – she had loved him and taken care of him and shared his life for two years. But it didn’t help to remember any of that. He had hurt her, and betrayed her, and lied about her to protect himself, and she didn’t trust him.

  “It’s funny how things can turn out to be the opposite of what they seem,” she said.

  He lifted an eyebrow. Sadie folded her arms. If he had expected a welcome and a reconnection, he wasn’t going to get it.

  “Can we go somewhere and talk, Sadie?” he asked, putting a hand on her arm. Sadie moved her arm away.

  “Don’t touch me, Paul,” she said. “I can’t imagine what you want to talk about. I have forgiven you, but I don’t want to talk to you.”

  “You have forgiven me?” His voice was raised and his eyes flashed, and Sadie felt vindicated. Even in this brief conversation she had begun to wonder if she was overreacting, if she was being foolish and ungracious. That look in his eyes told her that even if his charm was still there, so was his temper.

  “Maybe it’s time to leave, Sadie.” Joe was by her side, glaring daggers at Paul.

  Paul looked from Joe to Sadie and nodded slowly. “All right, I get it. You’ve moved on. I guess I knew that already. I just wanted to give you a chance to make things right – with me and with our friends and our church. But if you want to go forward without doing that, that’s fine. That’s your choice.”

  “Maybe you should go home, Paul,” said Rudzani. “You’re just making a scene now.”

  Paul laughed, and looked at Rudzani as if she was an insect he had just noticed. But he didn’t have anything more to say. He lifted his hand in greeting to Jared, turned, and walked out of the hall.

  Sadie felt bad for Jared. He looked shell-shocked.

  “Sorry, guys,” she said. “I suppose I was the one who made a scene.”

  Jared lifted his hands as if in surrender. “No problem,” he said. “Bit of bad history there, I guess.”

  “A bit,” said Sadie.

  “Are you all right?” asked Joe. He was still standing close to her. He put his hand on her shoulder.

  “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me,” said Sadie. “I feel quite good, actually. The last time I saw him I was the one leaving in humiliation.”

  “I’m actually a bit shocked,” said Jared. “He seemed like such a nice guy and then he nearly pounced on you there. I got a bit of a fright.”

  “Me too,” said Rudzani. She put her arm around Sadie. “I’m glad you escaped that one,” she said. “Imagine if you had married him. You can do so much better.”

  “Thanks, my friend,” said Sadie, making sure not to look at Joe.

  Joe drove Sadie home in silence. He stopped the car outside her house, undid his seatbelt and turned to her. “I wanted to punch him in the face, Sadie.”

  “Thanks,” she said. “But I’m glad you didn’t.”

  “So that was him,” he said. “He was the reason you didn’t go to church for so long.”

  “I almost lost my faith because of him,” said Sadie. “But I don’t want to talk about that. You helped me remember what I believed – do you remember that? You helped to bring me back. You helped me to trust Christians again.”

  Joe shook his head. “Sadie, I …” He took a deep breath. “There are so many things I want to talk to you about. But I … I just …”

  For a moment Sadie’s hopes rose, but she could see that he wasn’t ready. This wasn’t the right time, again. She didn’t know why, and she wished he would say what he was thinking, but she didn’t want to push him. “It’s all right, Joe,” she said. “We can talk when you’re ready.”

  “Thank you,” he said. “And – I’m also glad you didn’t marry him.”

  As Sadie let herself into the house and waved good bye as he drove off, she turned it all over in her mind. She had seen Paul again, and she was all right. He hadn’t got to her. She felt good; confident and safe and good. And Joe had been so protective; he had come to her defence. He wanted to punch Paul in the face. He was glad she hadn’t married him. And there were things he wanted to talk about! She savoured that little conversation, letting it comfort her and give her hope. He wasn’t giving her much, but it was something.

  Chapter 40

  “Sadie, you need to have a plan,” said Linda. They were sitting on Linda’s bed one weekend afternoon in the flat that she had been living in since she had returned from England, looking at wedding magazines. At least – Sadie was looking at the magazines, Linda was working on her wedding spreadsheet.

  “A plan?”

  “A plan. Let’s think about this rationally. You like him, and we are all pretty sure he likes you.”

  “Some days I think it’s obvious he does, other days I think I must be delusional.” Joe had been away that week on a trip for work, and Sadie hadn’t seen him since the Sunday Paul had come to church.

  “You are not delusional. The man does not know his own mind and cannot see what is right in front of him. It’s a common problem.”

  Sadie raised her eyebrows. “Does Derek have this problem?”

  “Of course he does,” said Linda. “I haven’t told you the full story of how we got engaged, have I? I had way more to do with it than you might think.”

  Sadie laughed. “Did you propose, Linda?”

  “No, of course not,” said Linda. “I like the old-fashioned way of doing things. But I gave him lots of hints. I made sure he knew how I wanted him t
o do it.”

  “I don’t want that, Linda,” said Sadie. “There have been lots of times when I could have said something. Sometimes I think I’m going to have to do what Rudzani did and yell at him, but I don’t want to. I want him to say it.”

  Linda shook her head. “I don’t get it,” she said. “I saw you two on our camping trip – you guys are like a hair’s breadth away from it. Why doesn’t he say something? We have to figure it out.”

  “He told me he was romantically handicapped once. And I remember on camp there was a girl who had a crush on him and he had no idea at all. He says he’s terrible at picking up signals.”

  “All right, I get that. But I am not satisfied with that explanation and you shouldn’t be either. I think if that was the only problem, by now he would have swallowed his pride and jolly well just opened his mouth and asked you if you liked him or not. He’s a straightforward guy, and he’s not a coward. There’s something else, Sadie, and we need to figure out what it is.”

  Sadie was speechless. “Really? You think there’s an explanation? It’s not just that he’s taking his time, making sure of his feelings?”

  “Oh my gosh, girl – there’s taking your time, and then there’s moving at the speed of a sloth who’s taken a sleeping tablet! Think, think.”

  Linda closed her laptop and sat straight on the bed, her legs crossed and her eyes closed, as if she was meditating.

  “Linda …” said Sadie.

  “Ssh. I’m thinking. Something is coming to me.”

  Sadie held the wedding magazine open on her lap and watched her friend, wanting to laugh more than anything else. Linda’s brow was furrowed and her lips were moving silently. Eventually she took a deep breath, opened her eyes and uncrossed her legs.

  “Sadie,” she said. “Have you talked to Joe about your Mercy Ship thing?”

  “Yes,” she said. “Lots of times.”

  “And was he interested in the details, like when you might go, and for how long, and how it works and all that?”

  “Yes,” said Sadie. “He even said he googled it.”

  Linda was getting excited. “Don’t you remember what he said around the fire that night? When Tarryn was going on about her online boyfriend? He said something about when Christians want to get into a relationship, they should …”

  “Have a plan about how it can move towards marriage,” said Sadie. “How they can make a life together or something. I remember that.”

  “Don’t you see?” Linda jumped up. “Joe is crazy about you and he is dying to bare his heart to you, my friend, but he can’t figure out how you guys can make it work! He can’t picture the path to marriage! He can’t see how you can go on your Mercy Ship and he can save the world from poverty and where he’s going to work and earn a living and all that.”

  Sadie felt stunned. She thought it might be true, but she didn’t understand it. “And he knows I don’t want to move overseas. But surely,” she said, “surely that stuff can get worked out later? If he loves me, doesn’t he think we could somehow work it out?”

  “His mind doesn’t work like that, girl. He’s more like me – more of planner. He’s analytical. He doesn’t think the same way you do, Sadie. Add that to what you said, that he’s not sure of the signals he’s getting from you, and you have your explanation.” Linda looked immensely proud of herself.

  “But Linda, even if that’s true, what do I do about it? If he can’t come up with a ‘path to marriage’ then I can’t either. It’s stupid – if he would just talk to me then we could figure it out, I know we could. I would give up the Mercy Ship, I would move to Peru with him if I had to, Linda. But he can’t know that unless he asks me.” Sadie fought back tears of frustration.

  “Don’t stress,” said Linda, opening her laptop again. “Now that you know what’s going on his head, you have something to work with. When he comes back from his work trip, next time you have one of your moments, you try to bring it up. Say what you just said – you would give up the ship or whatever if you had a good enough reason. Maybe he’ll get the hint. Now – I have to make a decision on the colour scheme. Today. I’m still thinking teal and silver, but I’m being tempted by orange and pink. What do you think?”

  Sadie sighed, opened the magazine again and tried to concentrate on the issue at hand – Linda’s wedding. But what Linda had said was making a lot of sense, and for the first time since Joe’s grumpy days at the start of Camp Bellevue, Sadie felt something quite different to love and longing for Joe. She felt annoyed and frustrated with him. It’s silly, she thought. This has gone on too long. Maybe she was going to have to swallow her pride and be the one to say something after all.

  Chapter 41

  Sadie didn’t see Joe when he got back, late on Sunday evening, from his trip to some of the rural areas of the country. He called her to say he was back, and it was so nice to talk to him after a week of not being in touch much. She had been wondering how to take Linda’s advice and bring up the subject of her future, and she thought she might have a way. She hadn’t had a chance to say anything about Granny’s flat yet, and she thought that if they started to talk about that, she might be able to communicate to him somehow that her plans were still just dreams and that if … but that’s where she got stuck every time.

  “The trip was mind-blowing, Sadie,” he said. “I thought I had a good idea of what life was like in the rural areas from all the reading I’ve done and the people I’ve spoken to, but really I had no idea. I kept a journal while I was there, and I realised today I’ve written reams and reams of observations.”

  “That’s brilliant, Joe. It’s so good to hear you excited.”

  “It is amazing, Sadie, and I really am enjoying this part – the research, the writing, gathering the information. Tomorrow I’m going to visit a day clinic in Hanover Park – do you know it?”

  “Oh yes,” said Sadie. “I’ve worked there. It can be a bit rough – be careful. It’s gangland there sometimes.”

  “I heard that. But the local guy who’s going with me, Gamiet – he says there’s nothing much happening with the gangs at the moment.”

  “You never know,” said Sadie. “Just be aware. Sometimes if gang members get shot their friends take them there and then the whole war spills over into the clinic.”

  “Wow,” he said. “Have you seen that?”

  “Oh yes,” she said. “Once there was a shootout in the parking lot. Luckily, I was inside at the time, and no one got hurt. But it happens.”

  “I’ll be careful,” he said. “And after that – I said last time I saw you that there are things we need to talk about. Maybe we can get together soon. Can we go out for dinner sometime? Maybe on Tuesday?”

  “I’d like that,” said Sadie, her heart beating faster at the thought of what he might want to say. “There are things I need to talk to you about too.”

  When she ended the call, she closed her eyes and sighed. Maybe this was it. Maybe he was finally going to say something. She was working day shifts on Monday and Tuesday so it would work out well. She couldn’t wait.

  Her phone rang while she was busy with a patient the next day, and it was twenty minutes later when she sat down at the counter with Anthea and checked it. There were five missed calls from Joe. Something had to be wrong. She was about to call him back when it rang again.

  “Joe?” she answered. “Is something wrong?”

  “Is that Sadie?” It wasn’t Joe on the other side.

  “Yes, it is. Who is this?” There was a lot of noise in the background, some talking and traffic noise but also other muffled sounds. Every now and then something beeped.

  “This is Gamiet. I was with Joe today at Hanover Park.” Sadie couldn’t hear him very well, and his accent was very strong.

  “Is Joe all right?” She was starting to panic.

  “Ja, he’s in the ambulance now, on the way to the hospital. The paramedic says he should be okay, luckily it didn’t hit anything too major.”


  “What?” Sadie felt that she couldn’t breathe for a second. Anthea heard the stress in her voice and came close, putting her hand on her shoulder in concern. “What happened to Joe? Gamiet? Can you hear me? What happened?”

  “He got shot, lady, we were going to the car when the gangs came into the clinic and they were shooting at each other. It’s only in his leg, lady, but yho! There was a lot of blood. But he said I must phone you.”

  “Can I talk to him?”

  “No man, lady, they got the mask thing on his face now and he’s not so awake. We going to the hospital now.”

  “Gamiet, which hospital are they taking him to? Do they know he has medical aid?”

  “No lady, I didn’t know anything about that and Joe wasn’t really talking when the paramedics got here. He smacked his head on the road and he was a bit deurmekaar.”

  “He was unconscious? Find out, Gamiet. Ask them!”

  She could hear him in the background. “Where yous taking him? Which hospital?” Then she heard him more clearly again. “We going to Groote Schuur, lady. We nearly there.”

  “Are you on the highway? Have you passed Athlone yet?”

  “Yes lady, a little way back.”

  “Gamiet, tell the driver, please, tell him Joe has medical aid, a good one, and he must take the offramp and bring him to St Stephens. Do you hear me?”

  She heard Gamiet arguing with the paramedics and then some more shouting which she assumed was with the driver.

  “Tell him I’m a nurse, Gamiet,” she shouted into the phone. “I’m waiting for him at St Stephens. The driver won’t get into trouble, I promise. Please, make them bring him here, Gamiet!”

  “Okay lady, he’s taking the offramp now.”

  Gamiet ended the call. Sadie stared at the phone in her hand for a second, breathing hard, her hand on her chest. It was only his leg, but that could be serious, and it sounded as if he had a concussion too. Gamiet had said there was a lot of blood. She jumped up.