Tell Me, Darling Page 7

  “Sadie!” called Alvin, taking his cue. “You’re needed in the office!”

  “Coming!” she called, getting up.

  “See you guys,’ she said to the kids, and walked towards the office as quickly as she could. Alvin followed.

  “I got it!” said Sadie, the phone in her hand, as they reached the office. Emma was waiting for them outside.

  “I can’t believe it worked!” said Emma. “That’s his phone?”

  “Yes,” said Sadie, “and I have the perfect excuse for having it. Now we just have to hope there’s no password.”

  “We need to go somewhere else,” said Alvin. “If he figures it out too soon, we’re busted.”

  The three hurried to the staff lounge and closed the door. A few minutes later, with Emma’s help, they had the evidence they needed. Sadie’s hunch had been right – Fernando had been unable to resist the temptation to show off his prank. They found two photos of him actually breaking the glass, and a string of incriminating text messages, which Emma could understand. Emma quickly forwarded the pictures and messages to her own and Alvin’s phones. When they were sure they had everything, they made their way back to the dining hall. Fernando and his friends were still at the same table, drinking hot chocolate. Sadie’s phone was still on the table in front of them.

  “Sorry,” said Sadie, walking straight up to them and putting the phone on the table. “I must have taken yours by mistake, Fernando!”

  Fernando didn’t say anything; just looked up and watched as Sadie pocketed hers. So arrogant, Sadie thought, as she walked away. He was so confident in his little crime that it hadn’t even crossed his mind to hide the evidence.

  Joe was amazed. The kids were busy with their afternoon activities when Sadie and Alvin brought him the news. “This is incredible, Sadie,” he said, looking at the pictures and reading the translations of the texts Emma had written down. “I can call Head Office right now and get him packed out of here before this evening.”

  “Thank goodness,” said Sadie. “I still can’t believe how easy it was. His arrogance got him in the end.”

  “It did,” said Joe. “Thank you. This makes my job much easier.”

  “Good,” said Sadie. He smiled at her, a genuine, warm smile, and she blushed. “The truth prevailed.”

  “And it will set Alexei free,” said Joe.

  By evening, Head Office had sent a car to fetch a sullen, furious Fernando, who was expelled from Camp Bellevue for good. As Sadie closed her weary eyes that night, she knew she was going to sleep well, and that Joe would too.

  Chapter 14

  Sadie leant back on a scratchy old couch in the little lounge that the staff had discovered at the end of a passage in their dorm, far enough away from the kids’ dorm that they could hang out in the evenings without worrying about waking them. A few of them had been to the village that afternoon and had made punch, and after one small cup of it Sadie was already feeling a little light-headed. It was a bit of a joke – they were not supposed to have alcohol on the grounds, so they were all just insisting that there wasn’t any in the punch when it was obvious there was. As usual Sadie had no desire to get drunk, but the light buzz all over her body felt good.

  She closed her eyes, glad that she didn’t need to be on duty that night. Music was playing and someone had found candles, and the dim glow was a nice change from the harsh dormitory lighting. She and Emma were sitting on either side of Raj, who had his arms around both of them. Ian was getting cosy in a corner with Benita, and Gabriel, Juan, Sharon and Johan were playing a raucous game of cards with Sam on the low table in the middle of the room.

  “Dance with me, girls,” said Raj, getting up and giving each girl a hand. The music was loud, a mesmerising club track with a deep beat and some singing, and Sadie kept her eyes half closed as she started moving to the beat, holding Raj’s hand as he danced with them both. Raj let go of Emma’s hand and moved close to Sadie, pulling her hand around his waist. Sadie laughed as he closed his eyes and sang the words of the song in a high voice, moving his body close to hers. Sadie loved dancing; she loved loud music and flashing lights, and she loved the wordless communication of moving together to a beat. Emma came close and danced behind Sadie, close enough that her body was touching hers, pushing her closer to Raj. She was so close that Sadie could smell the alcohol on her breath, and feel her long hair brushing against her neck, and she started getting a little uncomfortable. Dancing was great but this was a little too weird and intimate. She was relieved when Gabriel stood up from the card game and came over to them, reaching into the middle of the three for Sadie’s hand and pulling her gently out. Raj and Emma moved together into the gap Sadie left and carried on, as if she had hardly been there. Sadie looked up at Gabriel, thinking that he looked really good in the candlelight, with his black shirt open a few buttons, and his hair tumbling over his shoulders and falling over his face. She felt a little scruffy compared to him – it was a very warm evening and she was barefoot in her shorts and a sleeveless tank top. Her hair was still damp on her shoulders after a swim in the school pool earlier – but the candlelight was forgiving, she supposed. Besides, Gabriel didn’t seem to have a problem with the way she looked; he put one hand on her waist and held the other as if they were about to do a ballroom dance.

  “Ah, Sadie,” he said, starting to move her to the music as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “You are so busy. I never see you.”

  “I know,” she said, moving her free hand up his chest and around his neck. “But I’m here now. And you dance so well.”

  He answered by pulling her closer and starting to nuzzle her neck. Sadie sighed, not objecting. He was so lovely, and he smelled so good, and for some reason he liked her a lot. But when he moved his face around and she knew he was about to kiss her, she pulled back, pulling him down to sit on the couch.

  “Let’s talk,” she said, squeezing his hand and smiling at him. “I hardly know you.”

  “Okay,” he said, putting his arm around her and twirling her hair around his finger. “What do you want to know?”

  “Just tell me about yourself,” she said. “Tell me about home, about Spain.”

  Gabriel spoke for a while about his family and the town where he lived. He said he wanted to go to University, but he didn’t have much of a plan for making it happen. He had been working at odd jobs since he left school. He liked music, he sang with a group and played the guitar at weddings. After a while she realised that he didn’t really want to talk about himself, and although he asked her one or two personal questions, he didn’t seem all that interested in her answers.

  She looked over at Raj and Emma, who were still dancing, close enough that Sadie felt she needed to look away quickly, and at Ian and Benita still snogging in the corner. Was it going to be Sadie and Gabriel as well – not even two weeks at camp and already pairing up? Was this really what she wanted? To be getting cosy with a twenty-year-old Spanish boy on a scratchy old couch in a dorm? And besides – Gabriel’s hair was maybe a day overdue for a wash. She had a sore little pimple on her bottom lip. Something just felt wrong. Not wrong as in she should feel guilty about it – Sadie squashed that thought as it surfaced – just not what it could be.

  He leant over her and whispered a string of Spanish into her ear; she laughed and for a while was tempted to give in. It did feel good to be in his arms, to feel special and wanted for that moment. But she knew what she wanted to do. She moved herself up and away from his embrace.

  “I need to go to bed, Gabriel.” His eyebrows lifted in surprise. “Alone, silly,” she said, giving him a little shove. “You are lovely. I’m sorry.” She kissed him on the cheek and stood up, saying good night to Sam and Johan and the others. As she left, she looked back at Gabriel where she had left him on the couch. She felt bad to be walking away, knowing she had been encouraging, creating expectations. But he just blew her a kiss, shrugged and got up to get some punch.

  Back in the harsh electri
c light, as she walked along the passage to her room, she felt inexplicably sad. She wasn’t in love with Gabriel; she hardly knew him. It was obvious that he liked her but then he didn’t even seem particularly interested in getting to know her. But wasn’t this what she had wanted? She had done the serious relationship thing, going out with the boy next door, the good guy who everybody liked, and by the time she had realised the truth about what it was doing to her, what he was doing to her, and got out of it, it was too late. Paul had damaged her, and even now, a year later, getting involved with a guy who might end up treating her as he had was a very real fear. She had wanted this year to be about recovery, reinvention and finding her own way. Wasn’t a casual moment with a sweet guy, who was nothing at all like Paul, just what she wanted? Wasn’t it?

  She thought about the guys she had kissed on her nights clubbing in London; about how it had all helped to dilute the memory of him, and the power he had held over her. Those guys had liked what they had seen; they had just wanted to dance with her and kiss her, not reform her. Not preach to her. Not tell her how useless and untrustworthy and sinful and pathetic she was. Those nights had felt a little like slapping Paul in the face. But casual hook-ups, even if they didn’t involve more than kissing, weren’t what she wanted any more. They had served their purpose. This thing with Gabriel was different. She could have kissed him on the scratchy couch, enjoyed his flirting and his funny Spanish flattery, and then shed a little tear when it was time for him to go home to Spain and for her to continue her adventure. But that wasn’t what she wanted either. Man, this was confusing. Serious was so scary. And now this new thought: that even if it was fun and exciting, casual just wasn’t good enough. She remembered sitting on the train, thinking about Linda, and denouncing mediocrity. Tonight, a penny had dropped – a girl could get involved with a handsome Spanish guy, sing songs with him in a forest at night, and still be settling for mediocrity.

  Sadie got into bed with her phone and her notebook, glad that Caitlin was on night duty that evening and she had a little privacy. She opened the little book, thinking that perhaps if she wrote some of her thoughts down they might start making more sense. All she felt for Gabriel was affection. There was too much missing, and in a rush Sadie knew just what that was – respect, admiration, some kind of shared vision. Curiosity, wonder, and even just the beginnings of love. None of that was there, and although she had thought it didn’t matter to her, she knew it did. Paul may have injured her confidence and made her doubt almost everything she had believed to be true, but she didn’t need to let that experience take away her hope in what could be.

  Instead of writing anything down, she found herself opening a folded piece of paper she kept inside. She knew almost by heart what it said, but she read it anyway.

  Dear Sadie

  It’s a new year, perhaps your newest year yet. You have finished your degree, Paul is gone, your ticket is booked. You are free to spread your wings now. Remember every day that he was wrong – you are not useless, you are not stupid, and you can live your life the way you choose now. You don’t need a man to tell you who you are, and if you happen to like any, make sure they are nothing like him. Be brave, try everything, don’t worry about what anyone will think. Think about your limits, and stick to them, because you still need to come home and live with yourself. Remember who loves you, and always come back.

  Love, Sadie

  She folded up the letter again, placed it in the notebook and closed it. She left the curtains open a crack as she turned off the light to go to sleep. She lay on her top bunk, looking out at a sliver of night sky, in which she could see one or two stars, and found that she wanted to pray. Sorry, God, she said in her head. I haven’t been behaving very well. I don’t think I’m going to be kissing any more guys any time soon. I’m still trying to figure it all out, but then you know that. I’m still afraid to trust you again, and I know you know that too.

  That was all she managed, but it was a start. Sadie fell asleep wondering what she was going to say to Gabriel.

  Chapter 15

  It was Saturday afternoon, and things were quiet for once at Camp Bellevue. Most of the kids who were staying for another week were on a day trip to a theme park. Sadie had been relieved not to see her name on the roster to accompany them – she had gone along the previous time and although it was fun going on the rides it had been very stressful and exhausting keeping track of all the kids in the group she had been responsible for. Now she sat in the sunshine on the lawn with Sam and Caitlin, drinking mugs of tea they had brought from the dining room and sharing a packet of Hobnobs. Sadie had brought down her little bag of nail polishes, and they were planning to paint their toes in the sun.

  “The British do biscuits well, I have to say,” said Sam, holding up her third oaty chocolately disc. “There’s nothing quite like these in Oz.”

  “They do,” said Sadie. “I’ll have to leave room in my suitcase for a selection to impress my parents.”

  “I haven’t noticed Gabriel around much today,” said Caitlin. “Has he gone on the trip?”

  “No,” said Sadie. “He’s around somewhere.”

  “Have you gone cold on him, Nursie?” asked Sam. “We all thought you made such a cute couple.”

  “Not cold exactly,” said Sadie. “I just decided I wasn’t into having a casual summer romance. Gabriel’s lovely, but he’s just a boy. And he lives in Spain.”

  “Hey,” said Caitlin. “He’s older than I am.”

  “A rather beautiful boy, you have to give him that,” said Sam, finishing off her tea. “Leon has a better body, but Gabriel’s got that young Johnny Depp thing going on.”

  Sadie laughed. “This feels like break time at school,” she said, “talking about all the boys and who has a better body.”

  “Most of the guys are pretty slobby,” said Caitlin. “Mitch is really fit from all the Martial Arts but he’s an arrogant flirt.”

  “Raj is fit too,” said Sam. “Did you know he has already run three half marathons? I’ve seen him running around the grounds in the mornings sometimes. I think it’s a three-mile loop.”

  “That’s why he recovers so quickly from his hangovers, then,” laughed Sadie.

  “Joe’s got nice arms,” said Sam. “I think I heard someone say he does climbing – you know, on walls with ropes. But don’t you dare tell anyone I said that, especially Ingrid. She’d give me one of those ice-glares if she thought I’d even looked at his arms. What do you think, Sadie?”

  “Of Joe’s arms?” asked Sadie.

  Sam laughed. “No, silly. Of the guys on camp. In general. Caitlin – put your feet in the sun. You really need to work on getting rid of that sock tan.”

  “I don’t know,” said Sadie, as Caitlin dutifully stuck out her feet. “Gabriel’s probably the best-looking. Or Richard. I can say that because they are both way younger than I am, and you will hopefully not accuse me of having crushes on them. What about you, Caitlin? Are you pining for any of the camp guys?”

  Caitlin blushed and didn’t answer. “Caitlin!” said Sadie. “You are! Who is it? Come on, tell us.”

  “I’m just glad you haven’t guessed,” said Caitlin, covering her cheeks with her hands. “I wish I didn’t go so red!”

  “I think I know,” said Sam. “Someone was watching you give a tennis lesson yesterday and you suddenly got very clumsy. In fact, I’m pretty sure – and you’re blushing even more now!”

  Caitlin gave up. “I can’t help it,” she said. “He was at my high school and I’ve liked him forever. I couldn’t believe it when I heard he was working here too. It gets worse every day, guys. The other day he smiled at me in the dinner queue and I nearly passed out.”

  “But who is it?” asked Sadie. “I still don’t know!”

  “Come on, Sadie,” said Sam, digging around in the bag of nail polish bottles. “Who’s the best-looking boy-next-door type on the staff? Who’s around her age? Sporty like she is? Unattached? She just said Mitch w
as an arrogant flirt so it’s not him. Think about it, Sadie. Can I use some of this orange one?”

  “Of course you can,” said Sadie. “Okay – I’m thinking of someone, Caitlin, and it’s suddenly seeming really obvious. Is it Richard?”

  Caitlin buried her face in her hands and Sadie had her answer.

  “But that’s amazing, Caitlin,” said Sadie. “He is such a nice guy. He’s not like the other younger ones, he’s more grounded, I think. More responsible. I completely approve, Tennis Bird!”

  “Aw,” said Sam, beginning on her toes with the orange polish. “Tennis Bird and Golf Guy. It’s a match made in heaven.”

  Sadie laughed, but Caitlin was teary.

  “Oh guys,” she said, her voice wobbly. “I’ve known him, sort of, for years and he hardly knows I exist. That’s unlikely to change. It’s wonderful and absolutely awful at the same time. And don’t you dare tell anyone else; I’ll die.” Caitlin looked so stricken that Sadie shifted up to give her a hug.

  “Don’t give up yet, Caitlin. You are gorgeous and amazing and you just need to get him to notice you a little more. Maybe he has already and it’s just a matter of time.”

  “Rather don’t give me hope, Sadie,” said Caitlin, mournfully. “It’s easier to just think of it as a crush than imagine that he might actually like me back and be disappointed. Have you ever felt like this, Sam? Sadie?”

  “I have a boyfriend in London, thank you very much,” said Sam. “He’s Croatian and he’s maybe the tallest guy I have ever met, and I think he’s fab. But I’m not blushing to my roots and passing out in the dinner queue, no. I don’t think that’s my style.”