Tell Me, Darling Read online

  I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

  She sat looking at it for a long time, reading it over and over again. It was all she could have hoped for – a note she could keep, in his handwriting, a note that called her a friend and a help. She loved the verse – she knew it well and had thought of it often the last few weeks. It was short, and clear, and exactly what she should have expected from Joe. But there was something more too – he hoped and prayed that she would be loved and taken care of in the future. Those were the words that she turned over in her mind all day, and treasured for a long time afterwards.

  Chapter 32

  “It looks AMAZING!” squealed Caitlin when she saw the hall. Sadie, Jonesy and Ingrid had been working on it most of the afternoon, and Sadie had to admit that it did look pretty good. Jonesy had produced a huge box of lights and decorations that she had brought from home the previous weekend, and thanks to that and a few cheap decorations from the village shop, the hall had been transformed. It was set up with tables and chairs, the tables decorated with confetti and balloons on top of black tablecloths. The Christmas lights were strung up around the stage, framing two microphones on stands. Some music was playing in the background, the lights were dimmed and the karaoke people had brought some other funky lighting that reminded Sadie of the disco a few weeks before. There was a long table set up at the side with all kinds of soft drinks for the kids, and later there would be an ice-cream bar.

  “Wow!” said Sam, coming in after dinner as the party was about to start, again wearing her one and only dress. “So these people come and set it all up? I hope they have some decent songs. What if it’s all Cliff Richard and Frank Sinatra?”

  “We made sure there’s a full selection,” said Jonesy, who was looking almost unrecognisable in a short shiny dress and a smart black jacket. “You going to give it a go, Sam?”

  “You bet I am,” said Sam. “I hope they have Copa Cabana. What about you, Jonesy?”

  “Ha – just you wait,” said Jonesy. “Camp B might just see another side of me tonight.”

  “You’re all in for a treat,” said Joe, coming up behind them. He was in his own clothes again, and again he looked so different. “If you haven’t heard Jonesy sing yet, you’ve missed out.”

  “Really?” said Sadie. “I didn’t know you sang, Jonesy!”

  Jonesy laughed. “It’s my passion!” she said. “If no one else volunteers you’ll see a lot of me tonight. What about you, Nursie? Is music one of your many talents, along with charming bus companies, catching teenage criminals and finding lost children?”

  Sadie made a face. “Not really,” she said. “I can sing a bit, but I don’t fool myself that it sounds like anything much. I might do it with someone.”

  “What about Joe?” said Sam, turning to face him. “Come on Joe, I can see it – you in a sparkly suit, a mic in your hand, crooning out love songs …”

  “If you think that then you don’t know me at all,” said Joe, folding his arms. Sadie smiled to herself. Joe singing on a stage – no way. It just wouldn’t be Joe.

  Sam laughed. “Only teasing, Boss!” she said, slapping his back. “I do know you. If you got up there and started singing, I would eat my hat.”

  Joe had the grace to laugh too, and Sadie watched him, soaking him up as much as she could. She would see almost all her other friends again soon when they went to France in a week’s time, but so far Joe had not made any indication that he was coming along. As far as she knew this was the last night, tomorrow was the last day, and that was the end. That afternoon she had wondered again why she felt so hopeless about it all – why was it again that she wasn’t trying to get his attention? Why did she just assume that he had no interest in her? Surely there was always a little hope? But even as she was asking herself those things, she knew the answer. First – he knew and she knew that her future was in South Africa and his was not. She didn’t want a relationship doomed to end in a few months and she felt sure he wouldn’t either. And second, what was the point of thinking about that anyway – she was almost completely certain that he didn’t feel anything near what she did. He might like and appreciate her but that was it. Almost completely. It was hard to give up every last bit of hope. She felt pretty tonight, in her dress again, this time also in a pair of sparkly sandals she had borrowed from Caitlin. She had picked a few flowers from the heath earlier and put them in her hair, which she wore down around her shoulders for a change. The blue had faded a lot over the last few weeks. She was wearing a bit of make-up and some of Sam’s perfume.

  The kids started filling up the hall, and the volume of the background music went up. Sadie watched where Joe sat and made sure to sit at the same table – it was the last night and there was no point in trying to make sure no one noticed anything. He had said himself he was clueless when it came to these things, so she might as well not worry about embarrassing herself and enjoy being close to him one last time.

  Soon the hall was almost full. The kids were excited, and the buzz of all the different languages filled the hall with strange sounds. Alvin came in, also looking different in a dark shirt, and sat with Joe and Sadie.

  “Look at you, meisie!” he said, taking Sadie’s hand and making her stand up and twirl around so he could look at her. “Jy lyk so mooi vanaand.”

  “Dankie, Alvin,” said Sadie, doing a little curtsey, the Afrikaans sounding strange in her mouth after so many months without hearing it at all.

  “What did you say?” said Joe to Alvin, over the music and the din of voices. “Did you call her a mouse?”

  “No,” laughed Alvin. “I said she looks lovely tonight.”

  “I agree,” said Joe. “I like the flowers. And the dress.” He said it matter-of-factly, as if he had been commenting on the tablecloths, and tuned his attention back to the list of songs on the piece of paper in front of him. Alvin looked at Sadie and shrugged.

  “Ag jammer, my skat,” he said. “Hy kan nie sien wat reg voor hom is nie.”

  Sadie’s eyes widened. Alvin had just said that Joe couldn’t see what was right in front of him. He must have figured it out.

  “Alvin,” she said quietly, blushing hard. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Of course you do,” he said. “He’s particularly challenged in this area, sweetheart. Maybe he needs some encouragement.”

  Sadie felt panicky. Joe was sitting right there, thankfully still reading the song list.

  “It’s the last night,” she whispered. “Too late for all that now. And no, just no … please don’t say anything.”

  Alvin patted her on the back. “All right, don’t stress. I was just saying.”

  “Are you going to sing, Alvin?” asked Joe, holding out the list.

  “I might,” said Alvin, taking the list and looking it over. Sadie was glad for the change of subject. “Maybe some Michael Jackson.”

  Sadie and Joe laughed. “Seriously?” said Sadie.

  “Why not? Or how about this one, Joe – ‘I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you’– you know that one?”

  “No,” said Joe.

  “Come on, sure you do,” said Alvin. “Or what about this one?” He put his hand over his heart and sang in a high voice, “How do I live without you? I want to know …”

  “Alvin,” said Sadie, wanting very much to kick him under the table.

  “Hmm,” said Joe, grinning. “This is going to be interesting.”

  The guy who had brought the karaoke equipment started the evening off singing a song or two himself to show everyone how it worked. The sound was good and the kids clapped along, some getting up and dancing between the tables. Then the real karaoke started – with a bang when Paco, Matteo and two other Spanish boys got up on the stage and sang “You don’t know you’re beautiful.” They didn’t sing too badly, but their accents were strong and it was really funny when they got the words wrong. Then Valeria and a friend tried out “Shake it Off” which was a hit, even though neither Valeria n
or the friend could sing in tune at all. Jonesy got her chance and did an amazing performance of “Hello” which got a standing ovation from everyone. Alvin was pulled onto the stage, not unwillingly, and did a brilliant Michael Jackson “Man in the Mirror”, and Sam got Mitch up with her to do “Copa Cabana”. Mitch couldn’t really sing but he knew the song, and by then end of it Sadie was laughing so much she was crying. She looked across at Joe and was a little surprised to see that he was enjoying it just as much as everyone else.

  Next thing Sadie knew she was being pulled on stage by some of the Italian kids she had taught in her substitute class, and they all sang their Ed Sheeran song in a big group. That suited Sadie just fine – it was fun being part of it and being on the stage but she didn’t want to sing alone.

  The evening flew past and before Sadie knew it the Karaoke was almost over. “Last one!” said the Karaoke guy, as Gabriel walked onto the stage and took a mic.

  Oh, thought Sadie, how could she have forgotten? Gabriel was so comfortable up there, seemingly oblivious to the audience, his eyes fixed somewhere in the distance as the unmistakeable opening bars of the song he and Sadie had sung in the forest all those weeks ago, began. Had that really only been a few weeks ago? It felt as if she had been another person then – before she had figured out the limits of her adventure, before she had found her way back to God, before she had fallen for Joe. Before he even began singing, the nostalgia was brimming over into tears, and she wiped them away as inconspicuously as she could.

  At first Gabriel made everyone laugh by swapping ‘Daniel’ for ‘Gabriel’, but after that no one was laughing – in fact he had the Venezuelan girls sobbing audibly as he sang about flying off back to Spain. He really is so talented, she thought, as he held out his arm at just the right moment and angle, hitting every note, even the difficult high ones, just right. As she watched him, she felt that she was looking at something that could have been, at a path she had chosen not to explore – she wasn’t thinking only of the chance of a relationship with him, it was more a whole life, a whole direction that she had considered, and decided not to pursue. She didn’t regret it at all but listening to Gabriel sing she was reminded that she had made a choice, and that in choosing one path she had left another one unexplored.

  He finished and the audience burst into applause. “You must go on Britain’s Got Talent!” yelled one of the kids.

  “Yeah, Simon Cowell will love you!” shouted Raj from the back of the hall.

  Gabriel bowed, enjoying the attention.

  “It suits him, doesn’t it,” said Alvin to Sadie. “Being on stage.”

  “It does,” said Sadie, still clapping.

  “He’s a nice guy,” said Joe, as the noise died down and the background music began again. “Will you visit him in Spain?”

  “What?” Sadie was confused for a second.

  “Gabriel,” he said. “I thought …” He must have seen the surprise in her face, and stopped.

  “Joe, you don’t think that Gabriel and I are together, do you?”

  “I thought … you were,” he said, looking a little confused and embarrassed. “Sorry – I must have got the wrong end of the stick there.”

  “No,” said Sadie, shaking her head. “No – there was a bit of flirting at the beginning – but that was weeks ago. Did you really think that? I’ve hardly spoken to him at all lately.”

  “I suppose not,” said Joe. “Weren’t you holding hands with him at the roller disco?”

  “I held hands with a lot of people. Raj, Sam, even some of the kids!”

  “Of course – sorry Sadie. I told you – I am terrible at noticing those kinds of things.”

  “It’s okay,” said Sadie. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. All this time Joe had thought she was unavailable. Not that it mattered now, anyway, but still, she couldn’t believe it.

  Later, she sat with Sam on the step outside the hall in the warm evening as they ate their ice creams. “Sam,” said Sadie. “Can you believe it – Joe thought I was with Gabriel. He asked if I was going to visit him in Spain.”

  Same nearly choked on her ice cream. “Wow,” she said. “I know the guy has tunnel vision but wow. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t made a move.”

  “What?” said Sadie. “Made what move?”

  “On you, Nursie,” said Sam. “Anyone with half a brain can see you two are perfect for each other. And that you are gaga over him.”

  “Sam!” cried Sadie, looking around her in a panic. Her heart beat so fast she felt the urge to put her hand over her chest to steady it. She had thought it was her secret. First Alvin, and now Sam – who else had seen it?

  “Relax,” said Sam, putting her hand on Sadie’s arm. “I’m exaggerating. But I see it, and wish he wasn’t such an idiot.”

  Sadie shook her head. “I’m the idiot, Sam,” she said, quietly. As she said it, Joe walked out of the hall with Alvin, and stood a little way away from them, talking to the Spanish boys. Oh, he looks so good, she thought. She let herself picture it for a minute – walking over to him, and casually putting her arm around his waist, he would turn and smile and put his arm around her shoulder …

  “No way,” said Sam. “You’re not an idiot. He’s a good guy. He’s solid, you can trust him. A guy like that would treat you right your whole life and you’d always know where you stood with him. I personally don’t find that type appealing at all but hey. I’m just calling him an idiot for your sake. It would be nice to see you happy.”

  “I am happy, Sam,” said Sadie, picking up her bowl of ice cream. “It sucks to feel like this but at the same time it’s okay. In some ways I am happier than I was when I got here. I feel as if I know where I’m going now, and this dumb crush has all been part of that in a way.”

  “Ooh,” said Sam. “Camp Bellevue – come and work here and find the solution to your existential crisis!”

  Sadie laughed and gave Sam little shove. “Yeah, yeah,’ she said. “I’m going to miss hanging out with you every day, Sam.”

  “You’re coming to sleep on my floor for a week or two so don’t say that yet. I guess we need to go in there and help clean up?”

  “Unfortunately we do,” said Sadie, yawning. “But no night duty, thank goodness. Come on.” She stood up and stretched out her hand to pull Sam up. “The sooner it’s done the sooner we can sleep. And don’t you dare tell anyone my secret.”

  Sam smiled wearily and they two went off to pack away tables and clean up all the mess.

  Chapter 33

  Sadie was standing at the top of the Arc de Triomphe in Paris, looking out over the city. Caitlin and Richard were with her, and so were Sharon, Sam and Gregory. The last ten days in London had been a blur of visa applications, agency interviews and last-minute travel plans, then there had been the trip on the Eurostar and finding the train and a bus to the campsite, and meeting Jonesy, who had driven down in her dad’s van, full of camping gear, from her home in Cornwall. Now, after a night in a reasonably comfortable tent, in which she discovered that European camping was not much like South African camping, she was actually here, in Paris itself, looking down the actual Champs Elysees. It was three in the afternoon, she had seen the Mona Lisa and eaten a real French baguette for lunch, and her feet and legs were aching after walking all day in her purple Birkenstocks. She had sat by the Seine and taken selfies outside Notre Dame, and although she felt exhausted she felt happy and content.

  In the train on the way back to London from camp she had felt awful, more sad and down and despondent than she ever remembered feeling before. It wasn’t only that her heart felt broken after Joe’s brief good bye, accompanied by another devastatingly friendly pat on the back, it was also that she had felt adrift, suddenly rudderless after everything that had happened in her six weeks in Room 11. In the day or two after she had settled down to her temporary home on a mattress on Sam’s bedroom floor, she had even considered giving up and going home after her holiday. But then she had gone along with Ca
nadian Adam to a church in the city, and had liked it so much that she was looking forward to going back there after her travels. She had been to an interview at an agency that was willing to give her work that would use her nursing skills despite her lack of official registration, and that was encouraging. And now, in the excitement of this new experience, and with her friends around her, she was starting to feel better about the future – about the rest of her time overseas and also about going home. This trip wasn’t about adventure any more – it wasn’t about having fun and being herself and defying mediocrity as it had been before. Now, every morning when she woke up she remembered that God was her loving Father again, that he always had been, and that her life belonged to him. She would finish her time overseas living for him, choosing every day to follow him and love those around her, and looking for his guidance in every decision she made.

  Right now there were no decisions to be made other than choosing whether or not to head for the metro now to begin the long trip back to the campsite, or to enjoy the perfect Paris evening just a little longer.

  “I vote we head back now,” said Richard. “The trains are so confusing and if we get lost I would rather it was before dark. There’s still tomorrow.”

  “I agree,” said Sam. “Let’s get back. I am more tired than I was even after night duty.”

  “Today was way better than night duty,” said Sadie. “It’s like walking around in movie. I’m on such a high I doubt I’ll be able to sleep tonight.”

  They met up with the others at the bus station – Raj, Mitch and Jonesy were also camping with them but had gone their own way that morning after they had all done the Louvre together. They bought a few groceries at a little shop near the station, then caught the bus almost right up to the campsite. As they approached the spot where the three tents were pitched on a grassy patch, there was a surprise waiting.

  “Whose car is that?” asked Sadie, as she noticed another car parked beside Jonesy’s dad’s van. “It’s Joe!” said Jonesy. “He said he might come for the night. His family’s on holiday about an hour away and he said he might be able to take their car and join us for a while.”