Tell Me, Darling Read online

  Sadie’s heart nearly did a loop in her chest. She wasn’t happy about this at all. It had been hard to put Joe behind her – of course she hadn’t completely but she was just starting to feel all right again, and now everything would be off-balance. Sam gave her a knowing look and she shrugged, trying not to let it show how flustered she was. And she was a mess – sweaty and tired and camping-scruffy. She didn’t want to feel that it mattered, but it did.

  He got out of his car as he saw them approach. “Joe!” said Jonesy. “You made it! Have you been here long?”

  “No,” he said, smiling around at everyone. “Just a few minutes. Good to see you guys!”

  Sadie was amazed at the change in him, and she knew the others probably saw it too. He seemed so relaxed, so chilled – no frown, no clipboard, only shorts, a baseball cap and a not-red T-shirt, and a quick handshake or hug for everyone.

  “Looks as if Jonesy didn’t tell you I might come around,” he said. “I hope you don’t mind.”

  “Didn’t I?” said Jonesy, unlocking the van and hauling out some camping stools. “Sorry! Everyone, Joe might come for a night, all right? That okay with you?”

  “No problem, Jonesy!” said Sam. “Now give me that kettle and I’ll go and get it boiled. Cup of tea, Joe?”

  Later, after a swim in the pool, they made a little fire in the barbecue and sat around it, eating the sandwiches they had made for supper. By now Sadie had managed to get her nerves under control, telling herself that it made no difference – nothing had changed, and she didn’t need to let Joe’s presence damage her good mood and her equilibrium. You are in France, Sadie, she told herself, on a once-in-a-lifetime trip. No need to get silly about this. But it wasn’t very easy to do, especially when this new improved Joe picked up his camping stool to come and sit next to her as they ate.

  “So how do you like Europe, Sadie?” asked Joe. ‘You’ve never been before, have you?”

  “No,” she said. “It’s amazing. Some of it is like walking around in a book or a magazine – some of it is a surprise.”

  “Like what?” said Jonesy.

  “Like camping, for instance,” said Sadie. “I couldn’t believe it when I realised that hardly anyone is making fires! This little thing in the barbecue doesn’t count.”

  “Oh yeah,” said Raj, who had thankfully not objected to Joe’s presence and had even made a space for him in the big tent the guys were sharing. “South Africans love outdoor cooking. What do you call it again?”

  “A lekker braai!” said Sam. Everyone laughed.

  “At home if you’re camping there’s always a fire,” said Sadie. “A big one. And there will be lots of meat cooking on it. I have never heard of anyone going camping and eating sandwiches for supper,” she said, holding up her sliced bread and cheese.

  “Ozzies do it differently too,” said Sam. “None of these tiny fold up bum squasher chairs back home.” She got off her tiny stool and went to sit on the grass in front of Gregory, leaning back on his chest.

  “But you don’t eat meat,” said Joe.

  “My mom would always make me a mealie on the braai,” said Sadie. “And a sosatie.” She laughed at everyone’s confused looks. “A mealie is corn on the cob and a sosatie is like a skewer with vegetables or meat or fruit on it. And I never went camping anywhere where there was Wi-Fi, and showers you have to pay for. And at every campsite in South Africa, except the ones that are really in the bush, I guarantee there will be a huge freezer full of ice that you can buy for almost nothing. Europeans don’t seem to mind warm drinks.” She took a half-hearted sip of her warm orange juice.

  “Yeah, European camping is more like a picnic with tents,” said Sam. “Like the Famous Five, opening their tins of pineapple and drinking bottles of pop.”

  That got everyone talking about the Famous Five and the Secret Seven, except for Gregory, who looked completely lost. Joe grinned and looked at Sadie, and their eyes met for a second. Goodness, she thought. He’s so different. Improved, if that was even possible.

  “We have more than bottles of pop,” said Raj, fetching some beers from a bag in the general pile of food and dishes that served as a kitchen. “Anyone?”

  The party started then – someone got some music going, and later Jonesy brought out a mouth organ and they had a slightly raucous sing song. By the time the sun started setting, Sam, Gregory, Mitch, Raj and Jonesy were dancing by the fire, Richard and Caitlin had gone for a walk, Sharon had gone for a shower and Sadie and Joe were left sitting on a big log by the remains of the little fire in the barbecue which Sadie had kept alive.

  “You don’t want to go and dance with them?” asked Joe, looking over at the others.

  “No,” said Sadie, not daring to look at him. “I’m happy here.”

  “What did you see today?” he asked.

  She told him about their day. “You must have been before,” she said.

  “I have. A few times.”

  “So, what should I make sure not to miss tomorrow?”

  “Hmm,” said Joe. “Do you like art?”

  “I do,” said Sadie. “I loved the Louvre. It’s so enormous, though, and busy. There were so many people around the Mona Lisa I could hardly see her.”

  “Go to the Musee d-Orsay,” said Joe. “There’s some more modern stuff there. and by modern, I mean Degas, Picasso, Manet. It’s not as big and it’s wonderful. And if you’ve heard of Rodin you should go and see his house with the sculptures.”

  “Thanks. I will. It sounds as if you know a bit about art.”

  “A little,” he said. “I studied Art History for a couple of years in my undergrad degree.”

  “Really?” said Sadie. “I’m surprised.”

  “Why?”

  “Because,” said Sadie, thinking hard, “you’ve said things before about EQ, and sometimes not understanding people. If you’re interested in art that means you are interested in people and what they have to say.”

  Joe pondered that for a while. “There’s such a difference though – being interested in people and in what they think and dream about, in their ideas and their philosophies, doesn’t make it easy to understand or relate to them in real time. That’s where I struggle – you would know that.”

  “You’re not struggling now,” said Sadie.

  “No, but it’s easy with some people. Like Jonesy, and Alvin, and you. With other people – it’s as if everything I do or say is misconstrued.” He was looking at Raj.

  “I guess being interested in people is part of the Christian life too – we care about them because God does, and we want to understand them so we can love them better.”

  Joe looked at her. “I think you’re right,” he said.

  “I was thinking about your thesis – that maybe you are interested in those things partly because you love people. You want to make the world a better place for them.”

  Joe nodded. “Maybe that’s a part of it. It can get depressing sometimes, though, when I realise how little I can actually accomplish. I know some people achieve great things and make great progress as individuals, but I’m just an ordinary person. I can’t hope to make much of a difference in the ocean of suffering out there.”

  “It is an ocean,” said Sadie. “It’s a vast ocean, but I think we can all make a difference. I know that sounds so cliched, but it all counts. What do you want to do when you’re finished your degree? More studying?”

  “I don’t know,” said Joe. “I’m almost 25 and University life is a bit of a fake bubble. I don’t know if I’m up for PHD’s and more theory.”

  “What’s your dream job?”

  “I want to work for the UN, or UNICEF, or another big international peace keeping organisation. I’m not an upfront guy but a job where I can do research, make recommendations, affect policy making – that sort of thing. My thesis will be done by the end of the year – maybe then I’ll apply for some internships, maybe overseas. There are Christian organisations that do that kind of thing too, but t
hey are mostly voluntary and I would need to raise support. I can’t imagine doing that. I need to start making my own way.”

  “Wow,” said Sadie. “I hope you find something, Joe. I have honestly never met anyone who thinks about these things like you do before.”

  “I’ve never met anyone like you before, Sadie,” he said. “I have big dreams about changing the world – but you’re out there in the trenches, doing your bit to alleviate that ocean of suffering on a different level.”

  Sadie’s heart beat faster to hear him say that, but she laughed. “One bedpan at a time,” she said. “That reminds me – how is your arm?”

  “It’s fine,” he said, showing her. “Still quite tender. Just that one spot where the stone cut me still hurts a bit sometimes.”

  After that they just sat in silence for a while, staring into the remains of the fire. Sam brought them some hot chocolate and came to sit down on the log for a while, shoving Sadie up so that her arm was touching Joe’s.

  “Don’t you want to come and dance, Sadie?’ called Raj. “It’s your favourite!” he said, cranking up the volume.

  “No thanks, Raj,” she called back, no intention of moving from where she was. Sam got up and went back to Gregory, and the party continued, the singing and the laughing and the dancing going on as if they weren’t there. On the other side of the fire sat Richard and Caitlin, holding hands and talking quietly. Sadie felt her arm against Joe’s, the gentle pressure of his body beside hers, and she closed her eyes and felt that she didn’t ever want to move. They didn’t have to be sitting close enough for their arms to be touching, somehow, they just were, and neither of them had moved away. The music was pretty loud, and the talking and laughing louder, and Sadie could think of nothing at all to say even if she had wanted to. There was a moment when someone said something funny and Joe grinned and looked at her; she smiled too and their eyes met for a second before they dropped again. Signals, she thought. Are we sending signals? Do I want to? But she knew it didn’t really matter. This evening had been a little gift that she could keep in her memories of this year and this trip. It was a much better ending than the rushed good bye at camp, and she was grateful for it. Just this little moment of closeness made her feel a little less silly for what she felt – it didn’t feel like a misguided crush on her boss any more. It felt like a friendship, that in different circumstances might have become something more. Or at least, that’s what she would let herself think.

  PART TWO

  Cape Town, South Africa

  Two years later

  Chapter 34

  It was 4am in the maternity ward at St Stephens Hospital, a large and well-respected private hospital in one of the more affluent suburbs of Cape Town. Sadie flopped down into a chair behind the main desk and put her head in her hands. “Rough night, Sister?” smiled Anthea, scooting her office chair over to give Sadie a pat on the back. Sadie lifted up her head and smiled half-heartedly.

  “Baby Petersen has arrived at last, hallelujah,” said Sadie. “I have never seen a woman cry so much through her labour as poor Mrs Petersen. She literally sobbed from the moment she was admitted yesterday. That baby has truly been birthed in tears.”

  “Girl or boy?” said Anthea, heaving her bulk off the chair and going over to the whiteboard in the passage.

  “Boy,” said Sadie. “And he weighs almost four kilograms. She did well in the end.”

  “We could have done without all the crying,” said Anthea. “That poor girl who came in last night for induction is terrified now. She’s asking for the anaesthetist already.”

  Sadie smiled. “We’ll leave the Petersens in the labour room for a while to get to know Baby,” said Sadie. “I’ll go and move her to the ward in about half an hour.”

  “All right,” said Anthea, finishing what she was writing on the board and coming back to the desk. “How’s Mrs Poole doing?”

  “She’s all right, only dilated to four though. But she’s coping fine. Reading a magazine in between contractions. Her husband is fast asleep on the chair.”

  “That’s the way we like it,” said Anthea. “Doctor Atkinson popped in while you were busy. He was in doing an emergency surgery. But I couldn’t call you and he didn’t wait.”

  Sadie yawned. “I’m glad I missed him, Anthea. He keeps asking me out and I’m getting tired of saying no.”

  Anthea raised her eyebrows. “Then you are the only single woman in this hospital who feels that way. What’s not to like? He is a handsome surgeon, and a nice man too!”

  “Scott is a nice man, I agree, Anthea. But he’s just … not my type, I suppose.”

  “Okay, you crazy girl. Why don’t you go and get a cup of tea now before someone calls you again?”

  “Fantastic idea,” said Sadie. Soon she was sitting in the tiny staff room with a cup of tea and a biscuit. It had been a long, busy night, and although Sadie was used to night shifts, that didn’t make them any less exhausting, especially when they involved a long, emotional first birth. But mother and baby were doing great, and the doctor hadn’t quite made it to the hospital in time, which meant that Sadie had delivered the baby herself. Which was lucky for Mrs Petersen, she thought. She suspected that if this particular doctor had done it, poor Mrs Petersen would be nursing an episiotomy as well as her baby right now. Thank you, Lord, she prayed. Thank you for another healthy mom and baby.

  More than two years had passed since Sadie had returned from her year overseas. Her hair was longer and no longer blue, and right now was done up in a bun at the back of her head. She still wore her glasses, and she still had a nose stud, although it was barely visible. In her green Sister’s uniform, no one would call her a schoolgirl any more. She looked like a capable young woman, and if the expectant mothers who arrived at the hospital to have their babies felt a little concerned that she seemed young, they were soon put at ease by her confidence and professionalism. And her kindness and concern. Tonight, she had asked Mrs Petersen if she could pray with her, which she wasn’t really supposed to do, and the emotional first-time mother had been greatly comforted to hold her hand and ask for God’s help and protection.

  Sadie took out her phone and checked to see if she had any messages. There was one from Linda, asking if she would bring a salad to the engagement party tomorrow night. Tonight, actually, thought Sadie, checking the time on the watch pinned to her uniform. Her shift ended at seven, and then she could go home and get some sleep before the party that evening. She wondered when Linda had thought she would get a chance to go and buy things to make a salad, and then make it, all before six o’clock that evening after a twelve-hour night shift. Being Linda’s bridesmaid was already hard work, and the wedding wasn’t until June, which was five months away.

  Linda and Derek’s engagement party was at Linda’s parents’ house, not far from where Sadie still lived with her parents. She parked her little car in the road outside the house, which was already jammed with cars, took her salad bowl and the gift she had bought from the passenger seat and made her way inside. She wondered if she was looking forward to the party – usually she was very glad to have something social happening on a weekend that didn’t clash with her shifts at the hospital, but today she wasn’t feeling particularly sociable. Maybe it was that this was Linda’s engagement party – Sadie was happy for Linda and Derek, but then again it was one more friend getting married. Another engagement, another wedding, another happy couple, and she was still very much on her own. Even her parents were feeling concerned about her, she knew. Since Paul there had been no boyfriends at all, and that had been three years ago. Sadie didn’t especially want a boyfriend now; although she didn’t want to be single forever, she wasn’t in a rush to settle down and start collecting recipes and having babies. Still – when a friend, especially an old, comfortable friend like Linda got married, it felt like a loss.

  She went inside and cheered up a little – there were lots of people, there was a good buzz and she could see that there were a few
old schoolfriends at the party that it would be fun to catch up with. She put her salad in the kitchen, greeted Linda’s parents and went to find the bride-to-be.

  Linda was in the living room, where the doors opened behind to her to the large garden and swimming pool. She was wearing a smart dress and heels, which made her tower over every other girl at the party, and her hair was as usual done up in a tightly at the back of her head. She was showing off her ring to some of her guests, clearly enjoying the attention. Sadie felt a little underdressed in her simple summer dress and slip slops, but it was a very warm evening and she had thought it was just a braai.

  “Sadie!” Linda came over to her, wobbling a little on her heels. “Come and meet my cousins from Port Elizabeth.”

  Sadie dutifully met the cousins and waved to Derek who was standing outside at the braai with a group of guys, a beer in his hand. He waved back, and Sadie noticed he was wearing a Star Wars T-shirt under the smart jacket that she suspected Linda had wanted him to wear. She smiled. Derek was such a nerd. He liked computers, gaming, science fiction and comic books. He was a nice nerd, and she liked him a lot, but he really was funny sometimes the way he enforced the stereotype.

  She was just getting into chatting to a friend from school whom she hadn’t seen for years when Linda swooped on her, apologised to the friend and took her off to one side. “André’s here,” she said. “We want you to meet him.”

  “Who is André?” asked Sadie, her heart sinking. Linda had tried to set her up with someone before and it had not gone well.

  “He’s Derek’s best friend, the best man,” said Linda, very earnestly. “He came down from Pretoria especially for the party. You two need to get to know each other, you know, before the wedding. You’ll be walking down the aisle together.”